Children Custody divorce advice

Children custody Divorce advice - thoughts, feelings and fears

Children custody divorce advice is primarily given to ensure children do not suffer any long-term emotional and psychological trauma. Unfortunately, there is no doubt that divorce has an adverse effect on the emotional state of the children involved. But the reactions exhibited are often varied depending on the child. One reaction is for the child to feel responsible for the conflict and consequently obligated to facilitate the reconciliation. Another common reaction is for the children to exhibit physical and psychological disorders, which re-enforces the importance of counseling for any child caught up in parental divorce. The psychological disorders often exhibit themselves in the form of either aggression or with-drawl. The aggressive behaviour is often displayed in the form of bullying towards weaker children, which is also accompanied by an insubordination. These two symptomatic behaviors are reflective representations of a child's inner feelings towards what is happening to them. The bullying is a reflection on how they feel they are being treated by those more powerful than them, and the insubordination is the result of the anger felt inside towards an emotional pain experienced by the parental behavior, who are after all considered to be the original authoritative figures.

It is also very common for the child to feel a sense of loss. Research has shown that the loss experienced by a child during divorce closely resembles that of bereavement. It is for this reason that the parents must ensure that little change is made to the child's daily routine, other than the fact that the parents are no longer living together.

Children custody divorce advice in actions that parents must take

As explained earlier, one of the most important goals of any children custody divorce advice is to minimize the long-term emotional and psychological trauma on children. A common mistake is to make the assumption that the children can comprehend what entails in the parental divorce. The emotional turmoil, combined with an over active imagination and an erroneous analytical ability often result in a feeling of extreme confusion, paranoia and apprehension within the child. Aside from counseling there are other ways to help children cope with parental separation. The first course of action is to inform the child as soon as parents realise that separation is inevitable. This is because prior to the relationship reaching the separation phase, the disputes tend to get fiery which inevitably leads to feelings of anger and anxiety within a child. This is specially a distressing phase for the younger children, as they tend to associate anger with physical violence. Considering the active imagination that all kids possess, combined with an inability to disassociate anger from physical violence, will result in the paranoia involving one parent being injured. Another inherent fear associated with any parental divorce is the feeling of uncertainty as to what the future may hold. Hence why it is recommended that the children be informed promptly should separation becomes immanent. In doing so, it is also vital to clarify exactly what they should be expecting and what will happen to them, bearing in mind that their most inherent fear is abandonment.

When informing the children about the inevitable separation, it is important that both parent are present, making it clear that this decision has been made jointly. Also, regardless of what may have transpired between the parents to cause the break up, under no circumstance should blame be placed on any one parent. Breaking up is traumatising to children but it can increase the chances of developing psychological disorders if a child has to also carry the emotional burden of feeling that one parent has been the cause of this trauma. When clarifying this No-Blame situation, it is also vital to ensure that children fully understand that they too are not in any way responsible, directly or indirectly, for what is happening.

Reassurance must be also be given to the younger children to help them understand that the parental love is still there, and that the separation is not going to phase this love. It also helps to openly acknowledge that the divorce is going to seem initially hard, but it will become more bearable as the children notice that little has changed other than the fact that the parents are no longer living together.

Children custody divorce advice in managing any long-term damage

The children custody divorce advice is for parents not to assume that there is a way to totally prevent any emotional trauma brought about by the legal separation. It is perfectly normal for children to be distressed by parental separation, but this trauma can lead to serious long-term psychological disorder if the divorce custody dispute is a messy one. This psychological trauma is especially exasperated if the parents try to involve the kids into taking sides or if one parent openly blames the other. Where possible, it is also vital that the children are not expected to make any guardianship choices regarding which parents they prefer to live with!