In marriage counseling confronting infidelity should be based on one of logic rather than emotion. In marriage counseling a marriage counselor recognises that the temptation to confront infidelity is to take the direct approach based on gut-feel and conjecture. However, this approach will only result in a denial and futile disputes. Confronting infidelity must be made after gathering evidence that substantiates the accusations, and within the scope of the reaction that is to be expected from the spouse. Infidelity is a betrayal of the trust agreed upon between two people in a monogamous and loyal relationship. This betrayal is exasperated by a feeling of rejection, creating a highly volatile
emotional state in a spouse faced with the possibility of infidelity. It is this emotional state that creates an over whelming desire for a direct confrontation based primarily on an initial gut-feel. A direct confrontation can only ever have three possible out come. The first would be for an innocent partner to feel deeply hurt by the accusations and a clear demonstration of lack of trust, which will then be a catalyst for future arguments. The second scenario would be that a confrontation based on conjecture only makes the adulterous partner become apprehensive at the possibility of being irrefutably exposed. This then makes it harder for the spouse to gather the necessary evidence to undeniably expose the infidelity. The final outcome, and one which is more rare, would be a confessional from the partner. This is a very unusual occurrence as the instinctive reaction to being exposed is denial, which is why it is always recommended that the confrontation be based on indisputable evidence rather
than accusations.
Marriage counseling - when confronting infidelity
In marriage counseling it is recognised that confronting infidelity is never easy as the initial sensation is one of anger, and is this feeling of
rage that makes it hard to remain rational and calculating. Once the initial emotions are brought under control the next stage is to gather evidence necessary to expose an adulterous partner. The first step port of call for gathering this evidence would be to start by checking mobile phones and emails for anything suspicious. When doing so, it is important to remain vigilant as not to raise suspicion, otherwise it could result in the partner taking precautionary steps to cover or erase any evidence of infidelity. Another way of unveiling the adultery is to use the invoices, statements and receipts to highlight any unusual activity. The date and time on the credit card statements and receipts can sometimes be useful in proving that the partner was not where he or she claimed to be (for example, the claim of being at work when the credit card statement shows otherwise). Another common and obvious way of exposing an adulterous partner would be through personal items left behind in the car or the house.
Searching the partner's clothing for signs of an affair is also a useful way of gathering evidence. Also, don't be afraid to contact colleagues and friends to confirm the where about of a partner. But when doing so, it is important to approach the topic with extreme sensitivity and care as not to raise offence, suspicion or create an atmosphere of mistrust. However, the least obtrusive approach in exposing an adulterous partner would be to hire an experienced private investigator. The investigator can categorically determine if a partner is having an affair and do so without compromising the suspicions of the client.
Reaction expected when confronting infidelity
The reaction to confronting infidelity can vary from guilt to denial and extreme anger. Physical, verbal and emotional intimidation is also a common trait shown by the adulterous partner. The emotional intimidations usually involve the threat of divorce, family shame and reprisal, the trauma inflicted on the children, being sued and financial anguish. Another common reaction to being confronted is to place the blame back on to the spouse, by making accusations of being ignored or sudden behavioral incompatibilities. Whatever the reaction to the confrontation, the spouse must expect and be ready for an unpleasant response.
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